SKIT 4 - MONK(EY) SHINE

Characters:
BaBa Waters - female; hostess of the news program
Commercial Voice - female; lively, animated
Dr. Luther - male; distinguished; dressed in black robe
Luther - male; dressed as a knight or soldier
Maid - female; dressed like a maid

Props Needed:
Card table, 2 chairs, 2 mics on left in front of altar for BaBa and Dr. Luther
Card table, 1 chair, 1 mic on table, wireless mic for Maid
Commercial Voice will speak from lectern; needs a nasal spray container

(as scene opens BaBa is seated at card table in front of altar)

BaBa: Good evening! I’m BaBa Waters and welcome to another edition of “6 Minutes or Thereabouts.” On tonight’s program we’re going to be talking with Dr. Luther about the most important things he learned while he was teaching Bible classes at the University in Wittenberg, what he did about them, and how the hierarchy of the Church responded to them. It’s going to be an exciting show so stay tuned! We’ll be right back!

(while BaBa is talking, Commercial Voice moves to lectern)

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BaBa: Welcome back! Once again it’s my pleasure to introduce to you one of the most important figures in the history of the last millennium, Dr. Martin Luther! (Dr. Luther enters to applause and sits next to BaBa) Good evening again, Dr. Luther.

Dr. Luther: Good evening, BaBa. What an enthusiastic audience you have here tonight! I’m sorry I didn’t arrive in time for the Soup Supper but I got caught up in traffic. Downtown Dresser is really busy at this time on a Wednesday night! It must be all those people trying to get to church in time for their Lenten services.

BaBa: Yes, I’m sure it is. Well, now, Dr. Luther, tonight we want to ask you about some of the more important things you learned while you were studying the Bible and teaching classes at the University in Wittenberg and how the Church of your day responded to them.

Dr. Luther: (rubbing his chin as he thinks about it) Hmmmm...... The most important things I learned. Let me think about that for a moment, BaBa. I guess I would have to say that there were 3 things that were most important above everything else and I used a little phrase in Latin when I wanted to talk about them: “Sola gratia; sola fide; sola verbum.” “Grace alone; faith alone; Word alone.” Those were the things that I found to be most important and that really matter in our relationship with God.

BaBa: “Grace alone; faith alone; Word alone.” That’s kind of catchy!

Dr. Luther: Yeah, well, it didn’t catch on with the powers that be in Rome too well. In fact, they weren’t too thrilled with any of the things I was preaching and teaching in those days and, eventually, they called me before the Holy Roman Emperor himself and asked me to take back everything I had said and written up to that point.

BaBa: And when was that, Dr. Luther?

Dr. Luther: Well, let’s see now. I nailed my 95 Theses (which were 95 questions I wanted to discuss about indulgences and other things) to the church door in Wittenberg on October 31st, 1517 ....

BaBa: Oh! On Halloween!

Dr. Luther: (sounding very disgusted) It wasn’t Halloween in those days, BaBa. It was All Hallows Eve - the day before All Saints Day. And in my time it was a night of quiet reflection and thought - not a time for running around the neighborhood in a Spiderman costume trying to scare candy out of old people. What are you folks thinking nowadays?

BaBa: Now, Dr. Luther, let’s not get off on some tangent here. You were saying you nailed your 95 Theses to the church door in Wittenberg ....

Dr. Luther: Yes, you see, I had missed the newsletter deadline for the month and there was no way our church’s secretary .... I think her name was Gloria if I remember right .... anyway, there was no way she was going to hold up the November newsletter just for me. So, I nailed them to the church’s front door where everyone could see them.

BaBa: And what was the reaction of the townspeople?

Dr. Luther: Oh, the townspeople took it all right but the members of the Property Ministry were a little upset. They started having secret meetings and asked the Church Council to prohibit me from nailing things to the church’s doors and walls which they did.

BaBa: And then what did you do?

Dr. Luther: That’s when I invented post-it notes! But I suppose that’s a story that will have to be told another time.

BaBa: Yes, I’m afraid it will, Dr. Luther. Now, moving along, I understand that it took several years for the authorities to realize the full extent of your teachings and the impact they were having on the Church.

Dr. Luther: Where do you get your information, BaBa? From Entertainment Tonight? Several years nothing! The knew right away I was going to be trouble. That’s why the Church in Rome issued that Bull against me.

BaBa: Bull? What are you talking about now, Dr. Luther? Livestock?

Dr. Luther: No, of course not! Don’t you people know anything in the 21st century? A Bull was a decree issued by the Church and, in my case, the Bull declared that I was to be condemned as a heretic and thrown out of the Church; that all my writings and books were to be burned; and that I was to be given 60 days to change my teachings or I wouldn’t be invited to any more dinner parties at the Vatican.

BaBa: Wow! This was getting serious, wasn’t it?

Dr. Luther: You bet it was! Then, in April of 1521, I was called before the Diet of Worms to explain ....

BaBa: (interrupting) Excuse me, Dr. Luther. Did you say “diet of worms?” That wasn’t one of those reality shows on TV was it? You know, where all the contestants have to eat a bowl of worms before they can move on to eating the really disgusting stuff?

Dr. Luther: No, no, no! Certainly not. In my day a “Diet” had nothing to do with eating or not eating. It was more like a court where a person was brought to have judgment pronounced and the Diet I was called to was the one that was meeting in the city of Worms. The Emperor of the Holy Roman Empire himself was there to hear the accusations being made against me and to hear my defense and then he would be the one to pass judgment.

BaBa: Oh, I see. So, what happened?

Dr. Luther: Well, not much really. They accused me of false teachings and I told them I couldn’t and wouldn’t take anything back. Some people say the Diet of Worms was my finest hour - that that was the moment when this Monk shined! But, in the end, they sent me on my way with strict orders to stop my teaching and preaching.

BaBa: And did you, Dr. Luther?

Dr. Luther: Did I what?

BaBa: Stop your teaching and preaching?

Dr. Luther: Oh, heavens, no! Of course not! However, everything was put on hold for a while when I was kidnapped and held for my own safety at Wartburg Castle for several months.

BaBa: (sounding shocked) Kidnapped?! My goodness, but you have led an interesting life, haven’t you, Dr. Luther?

Dr. Luther: Well, yes, but not everyone would consider it interesting to be locked up in the tower of an ancient castle all by yourself for months on end with no radio, no TV, no newspapers, no Game Boy. (Luther’s voice trails off into the distance as he remembers his time at Wartburg Castle)

(young Luther takes his place at the table on the right side; opens a book and begins taking notes)

Luther: Oh, this is getting to be so tiresome. Sitting here month after month with nothing but the birds out my window and these books on my desk. No one to talk to. No one to listen to. No one to share Ole and Lena jokes with. How much longer can this go on?

(there’s a knock at the door)

Luther: (pleading) Come in! Oh, please, come in!

(the Maid enters with a tray of food)

Luther: (sounding very disappointed) Oh, it’s only you.

Maid: Now, now, Knight George, I’m happy to see you, too. I’ve brought you your dinner. More soup. Your favorite.

Luther: (vehemently, pounding his fist on the table) If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you 1,692 times! My name is Martin! Martin! Can you say that, Maid? My name is Martin!

Maid: Yes, Knight George, whatever you say. All I know is that I was told to always refer to you as Knight George and that’s exactly what I’m doing. No one will ever find out your true identity from me whatever it is. Now, calm down, Knight George, and eat your soup.

Luther: It’s Martin! My name is Martin! Some day everybody will know my name!

Maid: Yes, I’m sure they will, Knight George. Whatever you say.

Luther: I’ll be famous! You’ll see. The day will come when tens of millions of people all over the world will call themselves by my name!

Maid: Yes, I know. The world will be full of “Knight Georgians.”

Luther: No, not Knight Georgians!

Maid: Well, what then? “Martins?” “Martinis?” “Martians?” I don’t think so.

Luther: No, not Martins, Martinis or Martians! Lutherans! Lutherans! The world will be full of Lutherans! And those who aren’t Lutherans will wish they were!

Maid: My, my, my, aren’t we thinking highly of ourselves tonight! Now, you need to just calm down here Knight George and eat your soup. I’ll check back on you later tonight to make sure you’re all tucked in. (Maid leaves the scene) Nighty night, Knight George!

Luther: Oh, what’s the use. (puts his head into his hands and leans on the table)

(scene moves back to BaBa Waters and Dr. Luther - young Luther remains in his position until the end)

Dr. Luther: Yes, it was quite an ordeal being locked up in that castle all by myself during those months. Sometimes I wondered if I would ever get out and see my beloved Wittenberg again. But I tried to make good use of the time. I wrote some hymns and pamphlets and I translated the whole New Testament from Greek into German. And it was also during that time that I made a study of celibacy and decided that it was all right for priests and monks to get married if they wanted to. Of course, I had no desire to get married myself in those days especially after having had to put up with that Maid for all those months!

BaBa: Oh, but you did eventually get married, didn’t you, Dr. Luther? (in a conspiratorial tone of voice) I believe there’s a certain young woman named Katie in your future? (smiling and turning to the audience) Join us again next week, won’t you? when we’ll find out what the future holds for Dr. Luther and the former nun, Katherina von Bora! We’ll see you then! In the meantime, I’m BaBa Waters saying, “Good night and God bless!”